1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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