and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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