on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
