So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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