its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
