Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Randomize
