I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Randomize
