I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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