so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Randomize
