the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
ttyl tear gas
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
