Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
