OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Randomize
