We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Randomize
