Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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