I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Randomize
