we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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