I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
