wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
