I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
