Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
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