I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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