Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
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