I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
