You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
