I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
