I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Randomize
