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• (313): View more from Michigan

  I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was

  (734): View more from Michigan

  you're 26.

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• (330): View more from Ohio

  cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.

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• (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...

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• (513): View more from Ohio

  you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp

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• (937): View more from Ohio

  just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.

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• (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.

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• (720): View more from Colorado

  Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.

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• (913): View more from Kansas

  Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now

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• (503): View more from Oregon

  you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.

  (1-503): View more from Oregon

  What kind of balloon animal was it?

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• (406): View more from Montana

  Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.�

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• (660): View more from Missouri

  He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed

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• (765): View more from Indiana

  I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.

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• (812): View more from Indiana

  Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?

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• (701): View more from North Dakota

  He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.

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• (609): View more from New Jersey

  day drinking didnt prepare me for this..

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