2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
