Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
