I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Randomize
