So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
