my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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