I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
