life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
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