I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
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