a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Randomize
