im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
