there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
