I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
