He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
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