last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
i think my cat just said my name.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
