I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
