You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
