you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
