I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Randomize
