WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
