And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
