well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
We need a shit load of segways right now
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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