This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
you would pick up someone in the library
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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