My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
